Problems

Disclaimer/Statement:

I’m not saying I’m perfect and didn’t make mistakes. There’s no such thing as the perfect victim. And I’m sorry that I have so many problems and issues I still need to work through.  I don’t ever want to hurt anyone who loves me. For those who have made or will make the choice to leave I understand and I’m sorry. Truly, genuinely, sorry.

I still think about you.
Like when a mutual friend mentions your name and I flinch; the memories flood my eyes but refuse to form a single drop of tear.

I still think about you.
Like when I scroll through social media and the years come crashing down on me one inside joke and meme at a time.

I still think about you.
There’s this boy who loves me and treats me so right. But I’m a minefield and every little thing he does can set me off. I explode and revert in time.

Back to that time we fought in the streets because it was 50 something degrees out and I didn’t want to wear a skirt.

Back to the times you told me to stop wearing makeup because I look better without it.

Back to the times you apologized again and again for controlling me yet never bothering to change.

 

And back to me, always changing myself to be the version you wanted to see.

I wish I could stop remembering you.
I wish I could heal the scars and get rid of my problems.
I wish I could stop hurting him because of the pain you left me in.

But I can’t. And there’s only so much we can apologize for.

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