I wish I knew how to put my thoughts into words. It’s so hard.
The other day I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go write at the park at 6 in the morning. I ended up sitting on a tree and writing until it was 8. It was a trance like state to say the least. It’s weird being so far away from the person that makes you happy. If he was a ray of sunshine, I live in England now.
I used to take things for granted. Being able to see him everyday, being able to hug him, being able to kiss him, heck even being able to feel the sweat in his palms when we held hands in 97 degrees weather. I have to say, for the first week, I felt like complete shit.
Seeing him shrunken into a tiny little computer screen was just so uncomfortable. I wish I could just teleport to where he was. I wish I could pet his head when he ate a box of cheerios at 9 o’clock at night because he just looked so silly. I wish I could hug him and cheer him up when he felt lost about his future. I wish I could be there to meet his new friends and meet up with him between classes.
But I can’t.
It sucks, but honestly, I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have him. So I’m okay with this, because he’s mine, and I’m his. If this is really as strong as I think it is, it won’t be about the day to day interactions. If I really want to see him, I’ll work jobs on campus. I’ll find a way to save up money for the plane ticket. Because you know what? He’s worth this madness, and we’re worth the effort.