Note on School

I’ve been feeling rather secure lately and that’s bad.

I’ve been looking through my college four year plan and realized I can either graduate in 3 years with two  concentrations, or graduate in 4 with two concentrations and a minor. The thought of that kind of scares me. I’m not ready for adulthood. But on the other hand, I know I have a future planned, and that gives me a sense of security.

But this sense of security has really been driving me nuts. I guess I feel like it’s fake. I mean, how will I get through the next four years? I think I am just holding myself to these extreme standards because of how disappointed I am of myself. I could have done so much  better in high school. If I had just taken classes I actually enjoy and tried. I did not take a single class seriously in high school. Not even one. I guess that would explain the grades I ended up with. It’s just frustrating how I didn’t know better. I suppose more or less I am just worried that college will be a redo of high school.

Do I really want to be a Business Administration major with double concentrations in accounting and informational systems and a minor in actuaries? Am I just doing it to to redeem myself from the failure that was my high school experience? I don’t know. All I know is that I have committed myself to the Business Administration major because I feel like that’s something that is accepted by my family, and it might end up being fun. I honestly don’t know if it’s the best major for me.

But here I am.

I have already started looking at some online lectures for classes I will take in the future. Maybe this time, if I try hard enough, I might leave college with pride.


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