Sadness

Isn’t it fascinating how out of all the emotions humans can feel when we’re down, our brains choose to feel sadness?

And not just sadness. But rather a form of sadness that has evolved into a feeling of dread that takes over your entire brain.

You’re just unconsciously sad all the time. When you wake up, you wake up with tears streaming down your face for some reason. When you’re taking a shower, the tears mix in with the warm water and you try to convince yourself it’s just soap in your eyes. When you’re eating, the food becomes tasteless. When you’re running it becomes hard to breath and you just choke on something. When you’re writing, you can’t write anything but a mixed up description of what you think you’re feeling.

Really. Why can’t we feel hungry when something gets us down? That would make life easier. I’ll just be eating all the time rather than letting some stupid emotion get in the way of daily living. My eyes wouldn’t look red and puffy and hurt from crying, I wouldn’t want to just stay locked in my room hugging my teddy bear, I wouldn’t think I can actually sob the pain away by losing water.

I hate how sadness just takes over. And I don’t even know how to fix it. It’s like trying to perform an operation on yourself while you’re on anesthetics. Doesn’t really work.  So I wish I felt hunger when I’m down about something. At least I can eat and think at the same time. But with sadness? It’s just replaying the same damn scenes over and over again until nothing makes sense anymore.

It’s a little too early in the year to be wallowing in self pity isn’t it?

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