Trying to picture change

Sometimes I wake up with a stupid smile on my face with the sun shining through the window at the perfect angle, the birds trading lovely melodies to one another, and my mother making noodles that somehow smell absolutely eye-watering-ly delicious.

Then there are the days when I wake up and just want to shut the blinds, slam my door, toss the breakfast, and hide in a little hole for the remainder of the day.

Today was one of those days.

Right before I went to sleep, one of my dearest friends had the nerves to Facebook message me that she was decided to attend college in Chicago, IL rather than staying in Arcadia, California. I mean, shouldn’t she have considered this sudden change of plans worthy of an actual phone call? I know I’m overreacting and sound bitter but I’m actually really happy for her. She made the right choice to leave this little bubble. It’s just, this was kind of a reality check.

Her going to Chicago is as hard for her as it is for me. She’s leaving her hometown and I’m losing a close friend. I kind of imagined a part of my Senior year as spending it with her. I mean, sure, we’re still going to skype and text and message each other on facebook but it’s just not quite the same. But that’s not the part that’s freaking me out. What’s freaking me out is imagining this happen at the end of my Senior year.

What I’m familiar with right now will change. And rather drastically for that matter. I don’t know if I’ll be able to accept this very same situation happening ten or twenty times over. Feeling so happily conflicted knowing everyone is taking a step towards their future while I’m doing the exact same thing as well. The very idea frightens me. Yet, in a way, I guess it makes me excited. I’m always happy about change, if nothing ever changed, life would be so boring.

I really am happy for her though. Going to Chicago will be such an amazing adventure and perhaps after I’m done with the shock, I’ll begin to think of what things will look like when high school becomes a memory.


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